After Thanksgiving blahs

It has been awhile since I have written. Another example of my lack of discipline!
My family was here for Thanksgiving. We had a nice time, relaxing and trying to keep four toddlers occupied. The family got to see our new house, and the new baby in the family...sweet Breyden. I had the priviledge of being in the room when he was born. Absolutely incredible. Lindsey did so much better than I ever imagined she would. I am so proud of her for that whole experience. To see life coming in to this world...wow. I still get chills just thinking about it!

I registered the kids for preschool today. I can't believe they are so big. Isaiah will be going to Kindergarten in the Fall. It goes by so fast. I feel like there are so many times, where he is in my way, or bothering me. Then I spend the rest of the day feeling like a rotten person for feeling that way. I pray that God will begin to help me react differently to my kids and my husband. I want to make the most of every moment with my boys. I want them to be my priority. Their needs above mine. I am tired of being selfish with my thoughts and time and energy.

Father please help me to be more patient - to love without limits. Help me to never turn my boys away, physically or emotionally. Help me be a soft place for them to fall on. May they be men of honor and integrity. May they love people, see them as You do.

Please help me to be a woman of wisdom, of a soung mind. I pray that I will learn more of You every day, that I can grow more like You every day.

Thank you for your guidance, and continued love.

I know that I would be an absolute wreck of I didn't have the love and grace from my Heavenly Father. Thank you God that even in these down times, I know things are not hopeless.

Beginnings

Well, I thought I would give this a try. I have tried for years to journal and could never be disciplined enough to do it. However, I enjoy being on line and typing, so hopefully this will work better. I don't know that I will ever share this with anyone...knowingly. I have been discovering a lot of things about myself lately that have really challenged me and caused me to think about my life differently. I am desiring more in my life. Not that I want a different life, I have an amazing husband and two great kids. But I know God desires more of me.
If I were to die tonight, I would look back at my life and say the following:
I was dedicated to my family and my church.
I always stepped up to the task.
I did things others wouldn't.
I was always busy.
I was moody.
I didn't really know how to love people.
I was consumed by what others thought of me.
I took pretty much everything personally
I read in to things that people said
I worried about my righteousness, more than my relationship with Christ.
I could go on and on.
What I want to look back at my life and say is:
I was passionate about my family and my church
I was faithful
I always had time for others
I was secure in my relationship with the Lord and others
I loved with everything in me
I was powerful (in a good way)
I was captivating
I was inspiring
I was wise
I constantly sought the Lord
Again, I could go on and on.
Bottom line, I don't like the way things are going in my life. So, what am I going to do about it?
Well, I just made some small changes in my schedule and will continue to do so, until I figure some things out. I will begin reading a couple different books, begin to practice "the Disciplines", pray more, find someone to be held accountable to, and all the while, journaling in my blog.

As I am still searching for what God has for me in this life, I live in anticipation of His blessings.